Some times, itàs like I really want to try but just fail straight away and feel like turning on God. Like because we have failed, but God doesnàt turn on us when we fail (I am yet going through the process of learning this)...
Prov12.1 TO learn you must love disipline, it is stupid to hate discipine....
sometimes we make ourselves learn the hard way. Like Ive thought if it was God's will He would make it all easy for me and provide easily as. But this is such a lie, just because we become His children it doesn't permit us to stop. I dunno why I find working so hard, itàs like I just avoid it because I feel like I have no belief in myself, or maybe I believe that someone else has already done it. But this also is a lie, because God has an individual plan for all of us. and he wants our days to count. I dunno just with Pentathlon God I ask for clarity, like I spend so many hours training everyday and maybe I do it all in my own strentgh but forgive me if I think myu identity comes from there because I know it doent. But I thankyou for making my path straight , as I dedicate everything I do to you. Thank you Lord. Also with my Ert studies I I dedicate it all to you and I ask that you give me favour with the uni and also that you would speak to them through my work and encourage me and increase my talent and the same with my ministry what ever that is going to be. in the future.
Papa just let me feel your love but help metake your disicpline more seriously, help me be more holy and more like you. Forgive me for all the compromising I have done. its so ugly and forgive me. its ugglyyyy... I want to eb like it but itàs hard. Help me walk in your spirit and not give up. Lord I ask for providence and just light to my path that you would encrouage me and take me to a deeper level with you. Help me also forgive myself and move on from not making the most in the past and seeking the praise of people e.g. my mum etc God I feel so confused like I dunno if I even know you. I donàt think I do at all. THIS SUCKKSSSS Goddd tell me I know you show me your face ... your reall face God help me realiZe your not double minded like my mum or any one around me that says one thing but means another Lord you old meeeee you promised me.
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